Nostalgic State of Mind and the first of my All-Time lists...

Anyone who knows me well, or even fairly well knows that I always carry certain things with me. My wallet, my phone, my keys and I my personal favorite and by far the most important, my iPod. I'm the kind of person that needs music going all the time. It's strange that I hate musicals because my life revolves around music most times and my life is a lot like a musical. Well, recently I've developed the habit of taking my iPod to work and listening to music. I have found that listening to my music helps me work better and breaks up the mundane and boring task of opening boxes and stocking shelves. As I have done this for the last couple of weeks, I've thought about my all-time favorite albums. They span a couple of different genres and styles, but all are great in the their own ways and remind me of certain times and, in a way, take me back to places that I can no longer visit but are still in my heart. The conjur up feelings of the past and help me cope with the present. So without further hesitation, here are my all-time favorite albums, in no particular order other than me scrolling down the albums on my iPod.

Achtung Baby by U2 - This album will forever and always remind me of High School when I dated Megan, since "One" was our song back then.

Amadues Soundtrack by W.A. Mozart - Watching this movie and hearing this soundtrack helped me realize the absolute genius of Mozart, probably the most gifted musician to have ever lived.

Animal Rights by Moby - My brother introduced me to this album back in our High School days, and at first listen, I did not like it at all. It wasn't until senior year that I began to realize what an awsome album this is. It is unlike anything Moby has done before or since.

Automatic For The People by R.E.M. - This is probably the second CD my parents ever bought after they got their CD player in 1992 when we lived in the Netherlands. I remember listening to this album and being dissappointed that "Losing My Religion" wasn't on it. But as the years went by and I continued to listen to it, the songs really began to grow on me and I came to realize how great this album truly is. It is by far R.E.Ms best album.

Crash by Dave Matthews Band - The video to "Too Much" was to me a very bizarre video. I didn't like it at first and thought that the Dave Matthews Band sounded really weird. I have since learned that weird simply means unique, and that definitly sums them up. Again, this is an album that reminds me of High School and dating Megan.

Dances With Wolves Soundtrack by John Barry - The movie is excellent, the sounds track is just as excellent. I can close my eyes, listen to this and be taken to the prairies. It's hauntingly beautiful and serene.

Dosage by Collective Soul - This album came out right as I was graduating High School back in 1999. I listen to this album and it somehow reminds me of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace which came out a couple of months before (don't ask me why it does, it just does). The song "Compliment" always reminds me of Megan because it was her favorite on the album and we used to listen to it while we would drive down to Salt Lake City to hang out and go to Temple Square. Man, I really miss those days!

Hook Soundtrack by John Williams - This is probably my all-time favorite soundtrack. I had the cassette version of this and I would listen to it everynight to go to sleep and everynight, I would imagine a movie in my head that would go along with the music. It is an absolutely beautiful score! It manages to bring out the inner child in some songs and brings you down to thinking about your past and haunt you at the same time, all the while providing a sense of timeless youth. If I were stranded on a desert island and could only bring a couple of cds, this would be one of them for sure.

The Joshua Tree by U2 - A classic album in every since of the word. Every song on this album is amazing! As my friend Jenny once told me, it has the ultimate make out song (I'm not going to tel you what song it is, I'll leave that for your imagination haha). This is the first U2 album and began my love of the greatest band in the world. Another album that reminds me of my High School years, especially my sophmore and junior year. This is an album I can listen to over and over again and always be reminded of a simpler time and place when I was young.

The Last Of The Mohicans Soundtrack by Trever Jones - Another great move and equally great soundtrack! Listening to the music makes me envision the beautiful scenery from the movie. This is another soundtrack I listen to as I fall asleep and make my own movie in my head as the music goes.

The Man Who by Travis - This is an album that grew on me over time. I remember hearing "Why Does It Always Rain On Me" when my brother, Tyler and I were sitting at a 7-11 getting gas. My brother really liked the song but Tyler and I didn't. We were making fun of it and irritating my brother. How foolish I was because I love that song and I play it everytime it rains and I feel bad. For a time the song "Driftwood" seemed to sum me up and even now, it still does. A great album from start to finish!

Mer De Noms by A Perfect Circle - Back in 2000, I was going through a very difficult and confusing time in my life. I was questioning the nature of Heavenly Father and because of the hard times, I decided that I was going to rebel against Him. The song "Judith" was my anthem at the time. I don't listen to this album much anymore, but it reminds me of the time when I was dating Rachael and the time we broke up and then got back together. It is one of my favorite albums because it is, in itself a very good album but more importantly, it reminds me of a time of hardship, what I could have become and how close I got to abandoning everything I hold dear now, my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Play by Moby - This album came out when I had just acquired my new found freedom which I called graduation. I was dating Rachael at the time and I remember laying on the hood of my jeep, cuddling with her and listen to the quiet songs, stargazing and just enjoying the happiness that I felt at the time that unfortunately didn't last. This album always has a special place in my heart.

Ten by Pearl Jam - The best album Pearl Jam has put out. Another album that reminds me of my High School years. I didn't own this album, so I stole it from my brother and listed to it on my discman before and after school. In fact, I can't listen to Pearl Jam and not reminise about the High School days.

Ten Summoner's Tales by Sting - My introduction to Sting. My mom bought this album when it came out in 1992 and she used to listen to it while she would clean the house. After repeated listens, it grew on me and now I can't listen to it and not be taken back to the Netherlands when I was a kid.

We Can't Dance by Genesis - Another album that came out in 1992 while we were living in the Netherlands. I was going to Afcent International School and it seemed like everyday, my mom would listen to this album on our way home. I still remember the lyrics to all the songs because we listened to it countless times.

X & Y by Coldplay - This one takes me back to 2005, around the time I was trying to figure out if I was going to stay in Utah, or move to Texas. Amanda let me borrow this album and I put it on my iPod and listened to it non stop for two months. "Fix You" is by far my favorite song, but "Speed of Sound", "What If" and "A Message" are some of my favorites as well. A great album from a great band!

Yield by Pearl Jam - As I said earlier, I can't not listen to Pearl Jam and not think about High School. This one came out my junior year and I listened to it quite a bit. "Given To Fly" and "In Hiding" are my favorites from this one.

And so I have reached the end of my albums list on my iPod. I think it is safe to say that these are the albums that I love the most and are the most timeless to me. They are my personal time machine. Whenever I want to remember something from my past or remember a particular time or person, I turn on my iPod, close my eyes and chose one of the albums above and instantly, I am taken back. I can't imagine my life without these albums and I will always have these in my collection to remind me of my days past and the people who will always have a place in my heart.

Past Relationships, Current Circumstances and Insanity.

Just spent a long day at work. I really dislike 1-10pm shifts. It feels like it takes up your whole day and in a lot of ways, it's does, especially if you want to sleep in. Work is stressful at the moment because we are having a corporate visit on Thursday and we have to make the store picture perfect.

Anyways, enough about work, lets talk about something else. I've been thinking alot about where I am in my life and wondering if I'm behind where I should be. Considering that I'm 27 years old, have no degree, no career and feel like I have the maturity of an 18 year old, it feels that I'm behind in my life. I thought things would really work out for me after my mission, but instead it's been a slow process. It's been extremely slow in the dating department. It wasn't always that way. There was a time I was dating two or three girls at a time and things were working out. I was thinking today that there have been 3 girls in my life that I could have married and at time, seriously considered it. The first was Megan, followed by Sarah and finally Whitney. They were all great in their own unique ways. I didn't see it at the time, but hindsight is always 20/20 and I clearly see now that I didn't deserve them. They are all married now and I'm left alone with no one. It's funny how life plays out. It makes me wonder if those were my three chances at getting married and because of my unwillingness to let certain things go and not be so picky. I broke up with all three of them cause I thought I could do better, but they are ultimately having the last laugh at my expense (not that they ever would cause they are much better than that). I'm grateful for all that I learned from the experiences, but the current circumstances I find myself in are a little hard to take. I don't know why it bothers me so bad. I guess I just didn't see myself where I am now. I always thought I would at least be married by 25. Two years after this age, I find myself where I never thought I would be, alone and damaged goods. Is this a test? Am I supposed to learn something from all of this, maybe so. Whatever it is, I hope I am wise and mature enough to learn it and move on instead of having to go through this over and over again. I find it funny sometimes when I think about it, but the definition of insanity is "doing the same action over and over again and expecting a different result". So by definition, I am insane. I've been going through the last 6 years, doing the same things over and over again, not learning the lessons that were there and having to repeat them over and over again, doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Well, at least I can admit I'm insane and you always here that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. :)

Finally catching up to the times...

I've never blogged before, although I have been keenly interested in the whole idea. I keep a notebook and take it around everywhere I go, writing my random thoughts and ideas as I go through my days. I figure this would be the same thing, only everyone could read it. Whether that is a good idea or not, we will have to see. This will definitely be a good place for people who want to know what's going on inside my head to come and read the novelized version of my thought process. Sometimes the postings will be short, sometimes long, sometimes vivid and sometimes vague, sometimes deep and sometimes shallow. Either you will love it or hate it, or thinks it's ok. But be assured, what you will read in here will be the unedited mind and mentality of me. Well, enough already with my ramblings for today. Come and visit often, because who knows, something about you may be in here ;)